Recently in AQA Category

A while ago I ran into my friend Nat, aka God, online and asked what she was up to. She was living my dream, answering questions for AQA, and I helped her out for a bit, answering questions while she researched others. One of the questions was: "When will the world end?" and I said something along the lines of: "Astronomers theorize that the world will end in approx. 5 billion years when the sun becomes a red giant and increases in size to engulf Earth's orbit." This answer has now entered the vast AQA database, so that when anyone else asks it, they get my answer. Thus, in a little way, have I contributed to the knowledge of God.

Who ever said owning a blog didn't reap rewards? AQA has, completely out of the blue, sent me a copy of their latest book (now sitting next the toilet in my flat):

Aren't they nice? In thanks for this lovely gift, I will now do a special edition of AQAttack, clearing out all the AQAs that have been sitting in my phone.

Why do pigeons often have freakout feet? Is someone going about stomping their toes?

It is normally city-dwelling pigeons whose feet are deformed. This is usually due to non-congenital diseases. Some lose their feet in discarded rubbish.

What's the difference between Scots and Kiwis?

Scots and from Scotland and Kiwis are from New Zealand. Scots are located in the Northern Hemisphere and Kiwis in the Southern Hemisphere.

Yes I know that you twonk, I meant what are their distinguishing characteristics?

AQA apologises. Scotland is much more of an industrialized society; there are more poor people, but kiwis are perhaps less urbane and more rustic.

What is the longest continual noninterrupted gig by any one artist in any one performance, and how long was it?

A piece of organ music by the American composer John Cage (1912-1992), entitled Organ2/ASLSP began at midnight July 11 2003 and will last 639 years.

(I should note that this didn't really answer my question. It's a pretty straightforward question. What is the world's longest gig? A machine playing noises does not count).

Why is the 99 called the 99?

The origin of the name '99' Ice Cream (also known as a 99 Flake) is unclear. One theory is that to ice-cream loving Italians, '99' means 'very special'.

Name a 5-letter middle-eastern country starting with S.

Syria is in the middle-east, sharing borders with Turkey, Iraq, Israel, Lebanon and Jordan. Cyprus lies off its Western coast. Syria's capital is Damascus.

Where is the Ice Bar?

The Ice Bar is at 29-33 Heddon Street, Mayfair, London W1B 4BL. Contact them on 08714745769. The temperature is kept at -5C and the fittings are ice.

Who 'gives away' the bride if the father is not present, and what is the title of this person?

The presentation of the bride, if not by the bride's father, is call the Bride's Escort. He/she should walk on the left of the bride.

What word would you use to describe a self-defining adjective?

AQA thinks you are referring to the word "Eponymous". Examples of this abound, usually album's titled after the band who wrote them er. Metallica's 'Metallica')

This isn't really the answer we were looking for, although admittedly it was a poorly-worded question. In the final analysis, the word sought was: a recursive definition

How many islands comprise the British Isles?

There are more than 6000 islands in the British isles. Some of the smallest inhabited are in Scotland. The second largest island is Ireland.

Dear God,

if Satan's number is 666, what is your number?

AQA thinks that God's number is probably 999 in most countries, except for the UK of course. For UK residents, AQA thinks it's 007, as he's all-important.

This is brilliant.

I am, as you all must know by now, a huge fan of AQA, the number that returns you the answer to any question you text it. Well, some genius (no doubt a fan of Join Me!) at AQA has now expanded the service to include 'Quests', that is, you text the word 'quest' to AQA and they'll send back a quest for you to complete. Send details of your location, resources and friends with your quest request, and they'll tailor-make a quest just for you.

This is hilarious to me. I've no idea how well it works, but I'm desperate to find out. Hang on, I'm questing now (just a basic quest, mind, I'm not sending any details with this one for the purposes of research. Here we are, that was quick.

Your Quest is to do a little dance. The dance should include facial expressions and be completed next to a window. When done, dare the group to repeat.

Bah! Easy. I'll go do that now. In the meantime, who wants to form a quest team with me? We meet at a pub, ask for a quest, then blog the results. C'mon, you know you want to! It'll be a blogmeet, but, ur, with a purpose! I'll get the first round in, you can't say fairer than that.

d

(big hat tip to Anne for pointing me to this)

Speaking generally, what is worse for you: A pint of lager or a pint of Coke?

From: AQA [63336]

AQA thinks Coke. Coke has approximately 240 calories and sugar, whereas a pint of an average strength beer only has 164 calories per pint.

Hmm...I guess I meant "Is the poisoning effect of alcohol on my liver better or worse for me than whatever is bad in Coke?" but, y'know, this makes me feel slightly better. On topic, I was reading Does Anything Eat Wasps? the other day, which is a collection of interesting questions submitted to New Scientist over the years. One of them was about whether you could live on beer alone. It said there'd never been any serious studies undertaken on the matter, but did note that in the 1800's they sent three ships from England to Australia- two without beer, the third with. The ships without beer showed up in Aus with nearly 100 men requiring hospitalization. The boat with the beer? Six. Maybe Guiness really is good for you.

That said, I'm currently in a self-imposed month of sobriety. This is a yearly tradition that I undertake immediately after my birthday. Sort of a 'get clean after Christmas binge' kind of thing. It's good for saving money and spending more time at the gym. Bad for dating.

Hilariously, here's a blog entry from a guy who decided to replace beer with water for a day...

SUPER-SPECIAL DOUBLE EDITION inspired by late-night-drinking TV trivia discussions followed by enthusiastic recitations of TV theme tunes.

What is the name of Silas Greenback's pet worm?

From: AQA [63336]

Baron Silas Greenback's pet caterpillar (not worm) was called Nero in the children's series Dangermouse. His sidekicks were Stiletto and Leatherhead

Also!

What was MacGuyvers full name?

From: AQA [63336]

The first name of MacGuyver from the TV series of the same name is Angus. Richard Dean Anderson played MacGuyver and Dana Elcar played Andy Colson.

My flatmate said he'd buy me lunch if I could think of five obscure trivia questions about Hamburg before the bill came. Which of course sent me to God:

What is an interesting fact about Hamburg that isn't on Wikipedia and not many people would know. Thanks!

BONUS ROUND! Now that I know someone who actually works at AQA, I texted her a similar question. I got the following results:

From: AQA [63336]

Hamburg turned out 1.2M spectators to see the QM2 when the ship sailed on August 1st. The QM2 is the most profitable ship in the world.

Hamburg has a 4 day Port celebration every year that attracts vesdsels from all over the world. Hamburg is also the centre of the German sex industry.

From: Nat

Um, the Hamburger was named after it. The local Ice Hockey team are all the 'Hamburg Freezers'. 5 of the 2006 FIFA world cup games will be played there.

Sadly, the Hamburger did not originate in Hamburg, Germany. It originated in Hamburg, NY. So I lost the bet and paid for my own lunch.

As constant readers will know, I'm somewhat obsessed by AQA, the text-messaging service that will answer any question you send it. In fact amongst friends I'll often refer to AQA as "God". As in:

"Does anyone know if there's anywhere on Finchley Road that sells Coal?"

"I'll just text God. He'll know. He's omniscient."

[and I do]

[and he does]

So you can imagine my jaw quite literally (I say that figuratively, of course) hit the ground this weekend when a friend revealed that she was God...at least, she is one of the many people behind the vast humanointelligence machine that is AQA.

Apparently it's a pretty sweet job- you just sit on the `net all day finding answers to people's questions (which is what I do all day anyway...except the question is always: "What can I look at to not be bored?"). The hours are flexible and the pay is either 3p a question (which seems too little) or 30p a question (which seems too much). Still, it sounded great (I could theoretically do both my jobs at the same time) and I just checked the vacancies page, but apparently they're all full up. I should have asked back when God wasn't as popular (like when those The Beatles were big).

Still, you know how the Bible says that one cannot look apon the face of God and live? Well, maybe that was code for: God cannot live once you've looked apon His face. AQA was always remote, all-knowing, an enigma. Now I've not only seen behind the curtain and met the Wizard of Oz, I've gotten mashed with her and passed out on her couch watching Family Guy.

It kind of dispels the mystique a little.

Please tell me what ingredients you need to make chesse fondue.

From: AQA [63336]

Cheese fondue is usually Gruyere and Emmenthal cheese melted with the flavourings (wine is popular) you prefer. Then served by dipping bread into it.

Nothing like the standing-at-Sainsbury's-forgotten-how-to-make-the-dish-you-promised-to-make-AQA-emergency-text.

This isn't (for the first time ever!) an AQA that I've sent myself (really! I got it off their website), but it was so funny I just wanted to share it with y'all.

why do i want to have sex with donkeys?am i some sort of pervert?

From: AQA (63336)

It is normal to be sexually attracted to donkeys, but only if you are a donkey yourself - in which case AQA is impressed by your ability to send texts.

Did Cleopatra really bathe in milk, and if so was it good for the skin?

From: AQA [63336]

Cleopatra was known to bathe in milk to soak up its healing properties. It contains proteins and lactic acid which helps to soften and restore skin.

So there you go, then.