I'm currently in the city of Derby. I use the word city pretty loosely. I've been to abandoned mining towns that are more lively. (It's this whole Cathedral business. If you put a Cathedral up next to an outhouse in the middle of endless tundra, the Queen would declare it a city) I walked the main road from end to end last night, and didn't see a single soul on the streets for the entire journey. ...

It's last Sunday. I'm standing at a bar. I'm hungover, so I'm just kind of staring into space, waiting for my Bloody Mary. Two women come up to the bar. One of them turns to the other and says what I swear sounds to me like: "What's a martini?" The other cocks her head and looks up and to her left, in an expression of what I swear looks to me like bafflement. I say: "A martini is traditionall ...

As you may have heard, London's under attack again. Jeez, these terrorists just don't quit, do they? Anyway, the alarming thing about this is that not only have they evacuated Warren Street tube (among others), they've made an enormous cordon around the station, which actually encompasses my entire building. We've just been told we're not allowed to leave until further notice. How am I going to g ...

Yesterday the heat finally broke me and sent me on an exploratory mission to the Hampstead Heath ponds. Man, let me tell you, if there's anything nicer than Hampstead Heath in the summer, I mean, it's got a special charm all of its own. Absolutely fucking great. As it turns out, what looked to be a day-long legendary journey actually turned out to be a pleasant twenty-minute walk from my house. ...

"Excuse me, do you know where Upper Downs Street is?" "Well, Downs Street is over there. I don't know where Up Street is." ...

Nothing much to report, it's all pretty confusing in terms of reports on what is happenning. I'm at work, but I'm pretty much by myself. I have a pretty great view of the city from my office so I can report the following: ++ The buses, at least the ones going past my building, appear to have stopped taking on passengers. This tracks with reports that there have been three (three?) explosions on b ...

"You seem different from the last time we met." "How so?" "I don't know, more relaxed, I guess? You seemed quite shy when we first met." "Oh, I am pretty shy, really." "You don't seem too shy now. In fact you seem really confident." "Ah- that's because the stars are with me tonight." "The stars?" "Yeah. Apparently, my love house is throbbing." "Uhm... I have to go, ah...go now. I've got ...