The Trusted Professions - Chapter 1

Are you aware of the purpose of my visit today, Mr. KcKinley?

Lemme guess. You?ve got some kind of post-Doctoral dissertation coming up and you thought it?d be nice if you got the goods on the crime of the year, maybe spin it into a sweet little book deal. ?Inside the mind of the killer? maybe. You pulled some strings, sucked someone?s dick, I don?t know. That about right?

Not at all.

Really? Because you?ve got a dick-sucking smile, babe.

In fact, I was asked to come.

I?m suuure you were. And you just jumped at the chance to get inside the mind of ol? me, see what makes me tick? See who?s, and what, is behind the crime of the century?

It?s a routine interview Mr. McKinley. You?ve requested to be moved to a minimum security prison. In light of your continued refusal to confess to the crime for which you have been committed, a psychiatric analysis is standard procedure in these circumstances. I must tell you that the chances of your request being approved are very low.

Yeah. What, so, heh, what, you think I might be crazy?

It?s just a routine check, Mr. McKinley. I just want to hear your side of the story.

I?m sure you?ve heard it before.

I haven?t, actually.

What?

Mr. McKinley, while this will evidently surprise you, I know nothing about you. I know you have been convicted of the murder of Saul Colmes and James Besum. I know you claim to be innocent. I?ve been told nothing else.

That?s not possible. I mean, where you been living for the past two years? In a cave?

Something like that.

A sub-Antarctic research mission.

I?ve been in Brazil for the past three years. Volunteer work.

Laugh. You don?t get papers out there?

We do, but I really only followed local news. There is a world outside of London, Mr. McKinley. I didn?t even know who Saul Colmes was until last night.

Heh. So you don?t know anything about this case?

Nothing at all. That?s why they requested me, in fact. It?s difficult to find anyone who hasn?t already made up their mind about you.

That I?m innocent?

That you?re sane.

Ah. How?m I doing so far?

I?m reserving judgement.

Good move. So, how can I help you, Ms...?

I?m a Doctor. Fielding.

Doctor Fielding.

Let?s start at the beginning.

The beginning of what? I mean, that?s quite a stretch. Being born, losing my virginity, going to prison?

Of how you ended up here in front of me.

Right. Yeah, I thought that might be what you wanted to hear. Ah, the whole thing started in `03, when we got this client?

I?m sorry, could you define ?we??

Me and my partner, James Besum.

Your?business partner?

Heh. Yeah. My best friend.

And what was your business?

Jaysus, you weren?t kidding, were you? You haven?t heard a single thing about me. This just blows my mind.

As I said, it?s a fresh slate. How did you meet James?

Jez.

Jez?

Jez. We?d been friends for ages, since Secondary School.

Then that?s the beginning. How did you meet?

Ah, oh, gee, uhm, that?s a while ago. Heh. Alright, alright, you sure this is relevant?

There?s very little I?d consider not to be, Mr. McKinley.

Okay?Okay. Ah, so, I?m fourteen, yeah? And I show up at College.

At fourteen?

Uhm, yeah, my family moved to London in my second year of school. Secondary School.

From where?

Papau New Guinea.

You?re from New Guinea?

Surprised?

You don?t have an accent.

Yeah, bred it out ages ago. Kind of have to, my line of work.

Please continue.

Right, so, uhm, okay, so I show up at fourteen, I don?t know anyone, y?know, I don?t know anything about England or the English and London seems fucking huge and scary and, jeez, y?know, it was exciting, but I was really, I really remember feeling alone, y?know? Just ? yeah, alone.

Most fourteen year olds do.

Yeah, I guess they do at that. But, y?know, new school, new country, it?s like starting over again, and, yeah, I guess I was a shy kid, it wasn?t like I just slotted right in there. But, y?know, I?m pretty proactive, so I start looking around for ways to fit in, get myself acclimated. I started school midyear and it was starting to heat up. London gets hot in a way that nowhere else on earth does. I don?t mean to say it gets hotter than anywhere else, I just mean to say that the heat has a quality to it that I?ve yet to experience elsewhere. It?s tough to describe, now that I try to. A trapped heat. A sort of excitement to it, I guess? Like it?s not just a high temperature, but a high expectation of fun to be had when it?s that hot.

So, like, there?s uhm, maybe you had one of these in your school, but there?s like this bulletin board of ah, and you know it?s where everyone puts up all the clubs and social events and goings-on. Extra-curricular activities, I guess. So I go and check this board out, yeah?, and, it?s just covered in these little bits of card. Now, what I didn?t realize at the time was that, like, all the writing on the bits of cards was done in the same handwriting, y?know? Like, I didn?t think about it at the time, I guess if I did then I just assumed that all postings had to go through some secretary and she would write out all the cards. But it wasn?t like that at all, people just posted whatever they wanted. The handwriting?s was Jez?s. He organized all these different clubs, y?know, like, half of the extra-curricular activities were stuff he thought up and tried to run. Obscure games, bird-watching, train-spotting, computer-stuff, painting, just anything that came into his mind each week. Most people never signed up to any of them so they faded away, but Jez didn?t mind- he was coming up with new ideas every week- he?d just shotgun `em on the board and see if any of them floated. That?s the kind of guy he was, y?know, he was just, everywhere, all over the school.

Was he well liked?

Uhm ? he wasn?t disliked. He was a geek, I mean, we both were, but more the tolerated sort than the sort that gets the shit beaten out of them. He knew just about everybody, but only at a passing level, y?know? Man, a minute ago I couldn?t remember jar one about my first year here- now it?s all in front of me like a freshly washed sheet.

So you signed up for one of the activities?

Yeah, yeah, right, I ah, so I saw this one that was advertising for people who wanted to make amateur films. I had this camera that I occasionally played around with and this uhm, I figured I guess it would be a good way to meet folks, meet girls, although I guess I didn?t think about it too much- just wanted something to do.

So ah, I show up at the auditorium after school lets out and there?s Jez, larger than life, y?know, I mean, in School, Jez was big, y?know? He was a big guy. It was weird though, he didn?t move like a fat person. Most fat, and I don?t mean ?Oh I could stand to lose a few pounds? I mean, y?know, morbidly obese people. Really, truly fat people? They waddle. Like, everything they do takes effort. They sigh after every movement. Jez was the opposite. He bounced off walls like a bunny. He ran everywhere. He was constantly in motion. You actually forgot he was fat pretty quickly, because everything about him was so big, his body sort of seemed small in comparison.

So, it?s like the first time these people have convened for this group, and Jez says hi and we all say hi to each other and he tells us he wants to make a small short film, using only students. He?s written a script that he raves about for a bit and then hands out copies to everyone. He assigns a few roles and we start a sort of read-through.

So ah, heh, I wish I had the script here, actually. It starts out as a sort of, I don?t know, domestic comedy, I guess? Like Happy Days? Like, you?ve got this wife character, and she?s sort of saying goodbye to her family at the start of the day, and there?s this sort of breakfast banter going on, and she packs off little Sally?s lunch or whatever and then the unruly teenage son kind of slunks his way out, and then there?s this sort of goodbye kiss between her and the husband, and then she?s left alone in the house and like, okay, you?ll probably pick up where this is going before I get there, but then the doorbell rings and in comes, I don?t know, the gardener or something. And he?s all like: ?Phew, I?ve been out in the garden all morning, and I sure could use a drink.? And the wife is like: ?Well, do come in, I?ll fix you one. Would you like a shower?? and, well, basically it turns into a porn film. You?ve got these thirteen, fourteen, fifteen year old girls coming to this meeting and reading this script, and it?s just a ruse for Jez to get their clothes off. I mean, don?t get me wrong, he really did want to make a film, just like he really wanted to do archery and teach dance classes and field a team for the Essex gymnastics finals, but underneath all of his projects was this primary motivation to see girls naked.

Not unusual for a fourteen-year old.

Well, the motivation isn?t, but the extent it drove him to was a little extreme.

I suppose it was at that.

Anyway, so, as soon as I realized what he was doing, I stood up and tried to put a stop to the whole thing, like, I was yelling at Jez and telling him he was a pervert, all sorts of stuff, and then, well, it kind of broke into a fight.

You struck him?

Yeah, I mean, but, like, you?ve gotta meet the guy to understand just how great he is at antagonizing people. He?s a lovely guy when he wants to be, but when it?s time to push someone?s buttons, I mean, Jez is the cake.

You?re saying he provoked you?

Yeah, he provoked me all right. Your momma this, you so ugly that. I mean, I was fourteen, I was afraid, I was in front of a lot of girls, it didn?t take much to get me worked up, which was precisely what he wanted.

He wanted you to hit him?

Yeah. He wanted to ah, show off.

By being hit?

Yeah, it?s this trick he?d gotten all worked out. He loved getting punched in the gut, because he?d got this trick all worked out, yeah, where he?d sort of, I said he was fat, right? Like, he was a big guy, but agile, yeah? So, he?d figured out this trick, he trained himself, and he loved to do it, fuckin? loved to do it, I saw him pull this trick, like, a million times, and the first time you see it done, I mean, it?s fucking funny, y?know? So, what he?d do is, he?d provoke someone into punching him in the gut, which I gotta say, the trick goes pretty wrong when someone would punch him in the face, but sooner or later in a fight, you wanna wind someone, you punch `em in the gut, right? So he?d figured it all out, quick as a cat, I punch the guy in the gut, and quick as a cat he?d just lean forward. BAM! Trapped my fist right in there. Like, just rolls of fat came forward over my forearm and, that?s all she wrote, I?m stuck in his belly-rolls. And, y?know, I try to whale on him with my other arm, but they guy weighs like, five times my weight or something, he just starts swingin? left and right with his hips, and I?m flying all over the place, and it?s crazy, yo. And after he shakes me silly with this crazy belly-dance he?s doing he just, y?know, leans back on the outswing and I go flying. And the other kids are laughing, and I?m about to burst into tears right there, and he yells: ?Don?t fuck with the big dog!? and sticks out his big meaty paw to me and lifts me to my feet, claps his hand on my shoulder and says: ?Now do you wanna be the cameraman, or the fluffer??

[ ? ]

Heh, did you just snort? I do believe you did. I guess I did, too. We were pretty fast friends ever since then. Well, except for ? y?know.

I?m sorry?

Y?know Doc, I all of a sudden don?t feel too much like talking anymore.

Did I say something to offend you?

I got shit to do, y?know?

Please. You were saying he became your business partner?

Sigh. Right, right. Okay, so, youth proceeded as per normal. We got through Secondary, we got through University.

Really? What did you major in?

That?s not in your little file there?

As I mentioned, I?ve intentionally not read it in order to get an unbiased perspective.

You sure are a weird one, m?lady.

Thank you. Your major?

Ah, fuck. You know I never even really got to that stage? I started on the road to becoming a lawyer, but I never really had the patience for it. Just ? I dunno. You get out of Uni and you see the whole world ahead of you, and then you start to learn that it?s just the same old drudgery you were hoping to get out of, dressed up in other clothing. It gets to you, y?know? In Uni, me and Jez had every fucking idea under the sun, we were gonna be film-makers, authors, program writers, fuckin? musicians, realty owners, lottery winners, tour guides, monks, deep sea fishermen. Everything. Anything. Anything but reality, anything but that fuckin? life that seems to creep up on you. Something exciting. Not lawyering.

You dropped out?

Yeah. Just kind of fucked my twenties away. Temping, travelling, going to gigs, playing computer games. Drinking. I don?t know. Directionless.

A common complaint.

Jez went the whole lawyer route. Passed the bar, did the good tour. Found himself a wife, Samantha.

You were friends?

With Samantha? Yeah, I guess so, I mean, she was a good enough person, I can?t say I ever thought she was right for Jez, I mean, she was sort of ? she was blonde and pretty and had a good family and he was clearly pretty nuts about her, but I always thought he?d end up with someone a bit more creative. A bit more ?there?. She was just a bit bland, I thought. A bit wall-dressing. Wall-dressing? Wallflower. Yeah, she was a wallflower. Upper class, I guess. I still haven't really got my head around this whole class system you guys have put together, but I guess it's fair to say me and Jez were middle-class, and Samantha was upper-class.

But you eventually went into business with Jez?

Yeah! He saved me, really. Fuck, sounds weird to say it now. Saved me from obscurity. I think, and we talked about it a lot, but I think he just realized the same thing I realized, just a bit later. He had a lot of family pressure to be a lawyer and I think he just did it as something to do, for lack of a better alternative. But once he got there, he realized he didn?t want to spend the rest of his life doing that, and came to me.

To do what?

To do something that we?d talked about since we?d met- become private detectives.

Private detectives?

Yeah. It was the crazy dream we talked about the most. We just liked the romanticism of it, the gadgets, the subterfuge, the danger. It seemed like a job that would be endlessly fun. We even had the title, thought it up when we were fifteen.

What was it?

?The Trusted Professions.?

The Trusted Professions?

The Trusted Professions.