1. I imagine the words: "You can have some of my heroin if you have unprotected sex with me." would do the trick.
2. "I'd like to file for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaivour, your Honour."
"Please state what behaivour you found to be unreasonable, Mrs. Coogan."
"Well, he stuck his dick in Courtney Love, for starters."
"Divorce granted, case closed. Next!"
This is a 
I'm speechless. Of everyone in the world who could potentially impregnate Courtney Love, Steve 'back of the net' Coogen is the absolute last person I'd have figured.
My love of 'I'm Alan Partridge' is now tainted.
Poor Cour...
er..
Poor Ste...
er..
No, sorry. This is just the oddest thing I've heard all year. Is it April again?
Yeah, I imagine Frances Bean is going to give Steve Jr. quite the hard time when they're growing up: "My Dad invented Grunge. What did YOUR dad do?"
this story made me laugh my ass off when i read it.
such an unlikely pairing, united by their love of the hard stuff. bless 'em.