So, yesterday, I got shoulder-tackled by a cop. Here's the thing: Sunday I head out to Hyde Park to have a chat with Lee about a little documentary about street-skating (ironically, considering the events that follow, one of the stated goals behind the documentary was to show that street skaters weren't just pedestrian-terrorizing hoodlums). After the chat, Lee suggests we go for a street skate. ...

What happens when gym instructors try to write signs: ...

Unless you're Gene Kelly from Singin' in the Rain, it's tough to be truly camp when you're soaking wet. I came to this (stunning!) conclusion while watching HMS Pinafore in the open-air theatre in Regent's Park last night....in the pouring rain. The actors were trying their hardest to sing their little hearts out, but it's difficult to keep in jolly character when you're constantly blinking wate ...

The wait is over! You may now stop inundating me with requests for the next edition of the destruct\hour. It's here! And I do believe it is the best one yet. It now sounds a lot more polished, thanks to a series of awesome sweepers (airchecks/show IDs) made by multi-award-winning radio impresario Grant Brodie. Take a listen- it really gives the show a much more coherent flavour than the previous ...

1. I imagine the words: "You can have some of my heroin if you have unprotected sex with me." would do the trick. 2. "I'd like to file for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaivour, your Honour." "Please state what behaivour you found to be unreasonable, Mrs. Coogan." "Well, he stuck his dick in Courtney Love, for starters." "Divorce granted, case closed. Next!" ...

Spot the difference: See it? Yep, that's how hardcore I am: I skate my wheels off. ...

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I think the theme of Crash is twofold: If you're racist, you're a bit of a dick. Everyone is racist. This message is played out repeatedly (indeed, the whole affair seems to occur in some kind of netherverse in which one's race is the only permitted topic of conversation) as the film covers 36 hours in the lives of seven (possibly more, it's kind of hard to tell) families as their lives interwe ...

So I'm catching the last tube home on Saturday night, and this dude staggers past me, barely able to walk. He careers to the end of the carriage and opens the first of the connecting doors. He then whips out his ding-dong and proceeds to urinate into the gap between the two doors. I suppose we should give him points for politeness- he could have just wet himself and had his urine play chase-the-fe ...

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So, last weekend I went to Plymouth, and spent a good portion of Saturday leaping several stories into the ocean below, and an even larger portion of Sunday lying on the beach at Whitsands. I think I applied some form of sun cream at some point on Sunday, but obviously not enough, because I spent the entirety of Monday lying on my couch as red as a crayfish, moving only (and painfully!) to drink ...

This isn't (for the first time ever!) an AQA that I've sent myself (really! I got it off their website), but it was so funny I just wanted to share it with y'all. why do i want to have sex with donkeys?am i some sort of pervert? From: AQA (63336) It is normal to be sexually attracted to donkeys, but only if you are a donkey yourself - in which case AQA is impressed by your ability to send texts ...

I tore this out of the Metro to show this to some mates, chortling merrily to myself....on the way to an all-night session of Dawn of War. Ruff! ...

Unleashed is an odd film, and one I quite liked. It's sort of a strange cross between Rumble in the Bronx and Awakenings...set entirely in Glasgow. I went in knowing absolutely nothing about it, so perhaps you might want to, as well. It's obviously being sold as a martial arts film, and indeed it does contain at least three scenes of fantastically choreographed martial arts, the final climactic s ...

Well, it's over. After forty years, twenty eight seasons, 540 hours of TV, ten films, over 500 books, several dozen computer games, an animated series, a ride, an exhibition, countless toys, a collectible dinner plate; the enormous franchise machine that is Star Trek ground to a halt not with a bang, but with a whimper. I love Star Trek. Not as in like a show, but as in like a place. It is a pl ...

You might say I went to Plymouth to see my Uncle Chris. You might possibly say I went because I wanted to get one last weekend away with my little sis before she went back to NZ. You'd be stretching it things a little to say it was because I wanted to see my rellies. Perhaps it was just an excuse to get out of London and on to a beach. But that ain't the truth. The truth is: I went for this. (an ...

Er, it's going to be kind of tough to review this album, because I have so little to say about it. 'Audio wallpaper' would be the best way I can describe it. There's nothing actually objectionable or unlistenable here, but I've heard the damned thing dozens of times and I can't remember anything about it. I can remember 'The Power of Orange Knickers', but that's only because it has such an annoyi ...

Another Wednesday, another WeNiS. Alas, I've been pretty slack in the whole getting-my-skates-on thing for the last month. In fact I've had a pretty take it or leave it attitude to any kind of fitness-type things for a while now. I've dragged myself to the gym, but only to get ultra-bored after a few minutes of cross-training and so go and sit in the sauna reading the WSJ. And man, did it eve ...

Every year, 30,000 people are reported missing in Australia. 90% of them are found within one month. The other 10% are never found at all. So reads the opening screed of Wolf Creek, a frightening and sometimes gruelling cross between Crocodile Dundee and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This immediately raises a few eyebrows. Surely that's like....82 people a day? Even discounting the folks who sho ...

I don't know about the rest of the penis-possessed population, but I'm getting a mite sick and tired of the constant accusations (mainly from Peggy in Married With Children) that men 'can't aim'. Anyone who has seen me play Grand Theft Auto knows I can shoot the eyebrows off a hillbilly with a rickety old rifle at 100 yards. Let me assure you: I can hit an enormous oval right in front of me. The ...

Did Cleopatra really bathe in milk, and if so was it good for the skin? From: AQA [63336] Cleopatra was known to bathe in milk to soak up its healing properties. It contains proteins and lactic acid which helps to soften and restore skin. So there you go, then. ...

I've spent the better portion of today playing online Hnefatafl, which is commonly known as 'Viking Chess', but should probably really be called Nordic Chess. A friend of mine picked it when we were in Oslo earlier in the year. I'm a bit of a chess nut, and consider myself to be a pretty decent player, but this game, which is sort of a mixture of Chess and Go, takes regular chess strategy and hur ...

I'd love to be outraged, but it's such an amusing example of the self-importance of teenagers (and subsequent bollocking for same) that it's just too delicious not to share. In a similar vien of everyday stupidity taken to enormous heights, Nathan Fillon tried to buy a comic book for his mom (which he was on the cover of!) and came across the Comic Store Geek from Hell. His revenge? Mobilizing ...

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