In the spirit of the Valentine's Day weekend (and yes, if you're staring lovingly into your lover's eyes and giving them small kisses on the tube and giggling at how insufferably adorable your lives are and you see, out of the corner of your eye, someone espying you with barely restrained disgust, say hi! That's me. And I hate you), I thought I'd pose a question. A procedural matter, really.
I've always believed that the world owes me nothing. Everything, and I mean everything, good in my life, came from applied effort in a particular direction- if not from me, from someone working on my behalf. Nothing ever just 'shows up', unbidden. If you want something, identify it, identify how to attain it, and take those steps required to achieve it. Simply hanging about waiting for something to happen is a surefire way for nothing to happen. Trust me- I've tried it. (and yes! I know there are notable exceptions to the something-for-nothing rule. Just like I'm sure that, once in a blue moon, a complete amateur hits a hole-in-one whilst playing golf. That doesn't prove that you don't need to apply yourself to be a good golfer)
This advice mysteriously reverses itself in the case of love, for some reason. The amount of times I've heard "You're trying too hard."; "It's only when you stop looking for someone that you find someone."; "You can't hurry love." and so on. I'm sure you've heard all of these, or variations thereof. And it's true- nothing's less attractive than someone who is obviously attracted. (grass is always greener/want what we can't have/etc)
So which is it? Applied effort, or sitting back and waiting to see what washes ashore?
Whenever I'm introduced to a new couple, I usually bug the hell out of them by getting them to tell me, in detail, how they met and got together. I always ask who made the first move, and what they did. I'm fascinated, and terrified, by that moment, when someone is actually brave enough to cross a line and say or show how they feel, and risk making a complete fool out of themselves, or embarking on a relationship with someone they like. But the answer's always the same. It always goes along the lines of:
"So who made the first move?"
(and the guy always says): "Oh, I did."
"What did you do?"
"Oh we were [describes location] and ... y'know."
"No. What did you do?"
"Aww ... y'know!"
It's always "y'know". And that's the thing: I really don't know. It baffles me that anyone gets with anyone. Yet it seems to happen, all the time, all around me. Valentine's Day is, to me, nothing more than a giant celebration of the fact that it IS happening, all around, to, as far as I can tell, everyone but me. And none of you bastards are letting me in on the secret!
Y'know?
d
This is a 
Valentines day, besides making my birthday a pain in the arse is great for if you want to ask someone out as it gives you an excuse. The rest is all about causing stress for those who are already couples.
Although I get marginal dispensation for it being my birthday, and shifting the focus from a fabricated 'celebration' of 'love' to 'my birthday' and me me me.
I'd say that getting 'that' person you want to be with is all about putting in the effort. I fought hand, tooth, nail, and rail gun to get the girl that I wanted. I had to go as far as convincing her to break up with her boyfriend at the time (who she mistakenly believed was the love of her life - are you reading this Nat?). The fight went on for a about 6 months if I remember correctly, and was one of the most tumultous times in my life. But I won (sucker! ;)
Having said that, no matter how hard you fight you can't create an emotion that isn't there in the first place. So you've got to find someone you can see yourself with, find out if she feels roughly the same, and then put everything on the line.
Basically dude, there's no set 'way' to find someone, and I'm not going to give you any advice on how to do it or tell you exactly the circumstances of how I did it, and I hate to go the "you're a good-looking, cool, funny guy and you'll find someone or someone will find you soon enough" route, but that's basically it.
It'll happen. You may have to wait a while but it'll be worth it in the end! Whatever 'it' is.
I haven't helped at all have I? Ah bugger.
How strange - first visit, and I find a comment directly talking to me! *grin!*
If I remember correctly, I was the one who initiated the first kiss...
I agree with you about the moment when you reveal your feelings, Dan. And it's no fun to be on the receiving end when you don't feel the same (although, I'm sure, less bad than for the one in love).
Dan, when I meet you, ask Ian and myself for the story of how we got together (not just him, he always exaggerates the bad parts), guarantee it's the best story you'll ever hear. But then, I'm a bit biased, I guess.
Check this out dude, for how to meet someone and form a lasting relationship, apparently one of the best ways these days is the internet. Well it worked for me and Nikki anyhoo, as I said to ya the other week.
we saw each other. i followed him. he followed me. he came up to me. made me laugh. 12 years later we meet again. he made me laugh again. im keeping him this time.
our first kiss was mutual. he bent his head over looking sad. i went to hug him. somehow our mouths met and we were like starving children. greedy and sloppy.